Yes, that’s an ostrich staring at you. Why? There’s really no good reason other than it’s a bird, and I looked up the term “dirty bird” on my stock photo site and that image made me chuckle. So, I thought it might liven up your day. So there. You get an ostrich.
Is it just me or does it look like that ostrich is actually gazing into your eyes and saying the words, “Who’s your dirty bird?”
Okay, time to get serious now.
I’ve learned over the last few months that my sense of humor can go a bit too far and can go over the head of my youngest daughter.
Lil’ Bit, which is what Jules and I have nicknamed her, is lactose intolerant. She’s in the final stage of elementary school and, as I did in my day, she drinks chocolate milk every day with her lunch. So, of course, she feels sick to her stomach every single day. It wasn’t a real problem until recently, so Jules called the school and talked to them about getting her something else to drink. After giving them proof (doctor’s note) that she was in fact lactose intolerant, the school said they could give her either almond or soy milk.
First, that blew my mind. When I was in school I KNOW our only options were whole regular milk or chocolate. Oh, and we had that juice that tasted like candy. You know, the stuff that had zero actual juice in it! The small carton stuff that was called fruit drink. Grape DRINK. Apple DRINK.
Anyway, schools have much better options now!
So, there we were, in the car. Jules was driving as she often does because she says I’m a terrible driver - bullshit! But, whatever, I’ll be a passenger. Lil’ Bit was in the back seat. Jules told her she’d be able to get almond or soy milk. Lil’ Bit then asked what soy milk was. This is where I should have kept my mouth shut. But, you know me. I didn’t.
I turned around in my seat and said, “What? You’ve never had soy milk? From the soy bird?”
Now, she’s a highly intelligent eleven-year-old, so when she laughed, I thought she knew I was full of shit.
I doubled down on my lie and said, “What? I’m serious. The soy bird. That’s where they get the soy milk. They take its little tetitas like this,” and using my thumbs and index fingers from both hands I pretended to be milking little udders, or teats. Tetitas (might be spelling it wrong) was a word used when I lived in Panama, in Spanish, for baby bottle nipples. I continued with, “Yeah, they squeeze the tetitas like this and get the soy milk.”
Jules and Lil’ Bit were both cracking up. We were all laughing, and I thought it was pretty clear I was making this up. Yeah, I was confident that Lil’ Bit knew I was kidding. Apparently not, the subject somehow changed, we went on with our evening, and all was forgotten.
So, like a week later Jules came home from work and said, “You’re not going to believe what Lil’ Bit said today.” She started laughing before she could even get the story out.
“Well, what happened?”
“When I picked her up from school today, I asked her how her day went and she said it was terrible. I asked her what happened. She said she almost threw up at lunch because she tried soy milk. She said she must’ve gotten a bad bird with dirty tetitas because the milk was nasty. She couldn’t even swallow it.”
I burst out laughing. Luckily, she didn’t tell anyone at school about the dirty bird and we were able to explain to her that soy milk doesn’t come from a bird.
Note to self: Don’t send kids off to school without rehashing past conversations and making sure nothing can be repeated that you can’t explain your way out of later.
A big thank you for reading!
It’s been a busy start to the new year, that’s for sure. Kin of the Fallen was a book I was so excited to publish. I put so much into that book and even worked on different clothing designs that went along with the story and launched my merch and swag shop right around the same time as the book release date. What made it even more exciting was your excitement!
I think with Craw, the killer in Kin of the Fallen, I might have created something super cool, and I definitely think I’m on to something with the Kin of the Fallen crew. I can see there being a sequel and quite possibly even more books in the series after that. I’m taking it one book at a time though.
If you haven’t read Kin of the Fallen yet, you should definitely pick it up. Rachel Schommer, who’s a friend, reader, and reviewer, did an awesome TikTok video where she explained how she almost didn’t read it because the book is explained as slasher VS bikers. She figured since she isn’t a part of the biker world and doesn’t know much about it, she probably wouldn’t enjoy it, but she was glad she gave the book a chance. So, if that’s something that’s been holding you back, please give it a try. You might be surprised.
Here’s that book cover again. Click on the image to be taken to its Amazon page.
If you’re still feeling unsure about it, watch Rachel’s short TikTok video. Check out what she has to say about it here. While you’re at it, if you’re on TikTok, please follow her and give her a like to help show my appreciation.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR7KLU2p/
If that video didn’t come up automatically, I think you can paste the link in a browser and see it. And if that didn’t work, because I’ve had some issues getting TikTok videos to play, or if you’re still on the fence about it and would like to hear me read the first chapter from Kin of the Fallen, I did that on episode 60 of my YouTube show, First Chapter Freakshow. I talk about all kinds of stuff on the show but if you want to skip right to the reading you can move to the 23:30 mark.
Since this is the first newsletter I’ve put out since the Splatterpunk Award nominations this year, I also want to thank ALL OF YOU! EVERYONE who sent in a nomination for Faces of Beth. You did it! Faces of Beth made the nominee list for Best Novel. All the books in my category, all the books and stories in all the categories, are awesome, so every person nominated deserves a win. Thank you for taking the time to email in those nominations. I’ve always loved this award because it’s not just a quick and easy click-poll popularity contest. You have to actually take the time to email in nominations and I know all the authors really appreciate that.
I also want to say a big thanks to Christina Pfeiffer who is running a Facebook buddy read right now for Faces of Beth with Ali Sweet, Anja Henriksen, Danika Meyerson, Jesse Thibodeau, Nancy Sienna Sundquist, Nickie McMillin, Rachel Schommer, Samantha Hawkins, Eve Louise Fell, and Anna R. Reid where they’re reading a group of chapters per day and we’re discussing it in a group chat. It’s a lot of fun. You should see some of the theories they’re coming up with!
If you haven’t read Faces of Beth, you can grab a copy by clicking on the image below:
I definitely have to mention my buddy Stephen Cooper and his Splatploitation YouTube channel. Stephen has filmed multiple video review roundups that included my books, but he really outdid himself this time. He just put up a video that covered all 5 of my Diablo Snuff books. It blew my mind. The fact that someone cares that much about my books, my series, really means a lot to me. Thank you, Stephen. Check out his video here. Be advised, you get some spoilers. I don’t think there’s anything that really ruins the series. If anything, it might just make you more excited to read it. Again, the preferred reading order is A Foreign Evil, The Grindhouse, Passion & Pain, Slaughter Box, and The Maddening. You find that series by clicking HERE.
Watch Stephen’s video by clicking on it below.
To go to Stephen’s Splatploitation YouTube channel click HERE.
You’ve been quiet, Carver, why?
In the middle of January, I flew to the country of Panama to see my four kids from my previous marriage. I stayed there for almost two weeks. It was wonderful seeing them. It was way overdue. I’ve missed them so damn much. The girls aren’t even kids anymore. They’re 20 and 18. The boys are twins, 14 years old, and are so tall now. They both kicked my ass in basketball. My back, neck, knees… my whole body ain’t what it used to be, but they love basketball, so I had to try. I hated having to leave them, but I missed Jules so much being away from her. She’s definitely my person. And I missed my country. The kids have to come visit me next time.
On another personal note, I’ve never been quiet about my religious beliefs. I’ve recently started going to church a couple of days a week and spending a lot of time reading the Holy Bible. This past Sunday I got baptized, which was awesome. I’d never been dunked in water, like a full John the Baptist kind of water baptism, so that was exciting. It was funny because I tried to throw my head back early and the pastor had to stop me like, “Not yet, man.” But I was revving to go! I was ready for Jesus!
As far as writing was concerned, after taking some time off for that trip to Panama, I had to jump right back into work as soon as I landed in the U.S. because I had a couple of looming deadlines. I’d joined a few anthologies, so I’ve been working on those pieces for the most part. I’ve finished two of them. One was just over 8k words, the other was a little over 30k, and I still have one more to work on that doesn’t have a required word count, so we’ll see where that one takes me.
What else is new?
Scares That Care Authorcon II is coming up at the end of the month. March 31st-April 2nd in Williamsburg, VA. All the info is right here at this link: https://scaresthatcare.org/authorcon
I’ll be there with a lot of my author friends. There’s all kinds of cool stuff going on. If you don’t already have your tickets and you can make it to VA that weekend, you should definitely come. You’ll have a blast. Jules and I will be there. I’ll have all my books with me. If you take a look at that website and check out the programming schedule, you’ll see all kinds of great readings lined up and some awesome discussion panels.
On Saturday evening, between 5-6pm I’ll be part of the Extreme Horror panel with Kristopher Rufty, Daniel J. Volpe, Bridgett Nelson, Eric Butler, and moderated by Thomas R. Clark where we’ll discuss the resurgence in popularity of extreme horror and Splatterpunk and what the future may hold for each.
Crystal Lake Publishing’s Dark Tide Series: Yes! I’ve been working with Lucas Mangum and Rowland Bercy Jr. on a road trip-themed book for Joe Mynhardt at Crystal Lake Publishing’s Dark Tide series. We’re putting the finishing touches on it now. We don’t have an exact date for when it will be published or anything like that, but if you’ve seen these books in the Dark Tide series, they’re awesome. Each one has three authors working together on a central theme. I can’t wait for you guys to read what we’ve put together.
And, of course, Marian Elaine with Mothers of Mayhem posted this on Facebook the other day, so I’m also involved with this…
Look at the names in that table of contents. That’s insane, right? This book is going to be awesome.
As far as full novels go, I’ve decided to add on to the story Cannibal Caviar that was in Exits published by Jack Bantry last year. That was a limited-run anthology book. I really liked my story in that book and felt like there was more of it to be told. The original story was only about 10k words. So, I’m seeing where it takes me and if there’s enough meat to it, I’ll publish it as a standalone novel. As of right now, I’m up to about 20k and have plenty more to go.
Lucas Mangum and I are still working on Diablo Snuff Vs. Gods of the Dark Web. He’s got the ball again now after I held onto it for what seemed like forever. I can’t wait to see what he adds to it. We’ve brainstormed some really cool stuff, and we both love the direction we’re headed. We haven’t put a word count limit on it. We’re just seeing where it goes. This has been a lot of fun, and we can’t wait to read the finished product and get it into your hands.
I’ll fill you in on some of my other works in progress in the next issue as what I’ve mentioned here is what I’ve been working on most.
What’s on TV?
I posted on Facebook the other day that I was really getting into the show The Rig on Prime. It’s about a group of workers on a remote Scottish oil rig who’ve already grown antsy because of the seclusion. Then a mysterious fog wraps around the rig and strange supernatural stuff starts to happen. At about the 3rd episode, I was really into it. It was giving me The Thing vibes, but then it seemed to kind of drag, which is weird considering it only has 6 episodes. I have a tendency to get bored with shows rather quickly though so it could just be me. I’m on episode 5 now and have stopped for a bit. I’ll go back and finish it. I’ve heard there’s going to be a second season, so I need to at least finish the first. I’d say give it a try. It’s definitely creepy.
It’s no secret I’m a big Bentley Little fan, so I was really excited when I heard they were making a TV show out of his book The Consultant. I’ve only watched two episodes so far, and they’ve done an excellent job of putting Little’s quirky twistedness on screen. It feels like you’re reading one of his books. The Consultant is one of his books I haven’t yet read, so I have no idea if they’re staying true to the book, but Christoph Waltz is excellent in his role, as he is in just about everything he does, and so far I’m digging it.
I’m still loving Animal Kingdom. I know. It’s an older show, but it’s a comfort show for me. I’m watching it slowly. When I get bored with other shows, I’ll go watch an episode or two of this. Smurf and her badass band of thieving sons just keep me entertained. I’m on season 4 of 6. I’ll be sad when I reach the end.
Oh, and with the state of the world and all its craziness, Jules and I have been watching dystopian movies lately. Mostly the teen YA book-based movies. We watched the whole Hunger Games series of movies, which was much better than I remembered it being the first time. Then she hadn’t seen The Giver, also based on a book, so we watched that one. I’ve always liked that movie. I hadn’t seen any of the Divergent movies past the first one so we watched that whole series. They all felt oddly relevant.
What am I reading?
I just finished an outstanding book by an author friend of mine. John Watson usually writes horror. He mentioned on Facebook that he’d written a book called Swimming Upstream that was totally different from anything else he’d written. I figured I’d give it a try. Damn that book was a tearjerker. Having a wife and kids I adore, this book hit me in all the feels. It was excellent and it was short, which I needed right now since I’m having a hard time keeping up with reading all the books I owe people. Click the image below to be taken to the Amazon page for the book:
The Holy Bible is probably going to be a staple read for me from now on. It’s almost like doing yoga or meditating. It helps me clear my mind and start my day out right, in a positive mood and mindset. I’m learning a lot and feeling great while I do it.
The Warrior Retreat by John Lynch is another one I’m reading. I’ve mentioned reading it before, but it was during that trip to Panama, and I just couldn’t focus. I’ve since picked it back up and started over again. Let me tell you, the opening scene is pretty damn frightening. John, having been in the military himself, has a way of explaining these soldiers and what they went through in a way that doesn’t confuse the reader. I’m ex-military myself but I’ve never been one who enjoyed reading books with a lot of military jargon in them. With John’s book, you don’t have to worry about that. He’s great at what he does. Now, I’m only about 15% in since starting over, but I’m really enjoying what I’m reading so far. I think this is the first military horror book I’ve read. Click the image below to grab a copy on Amazon.
Podcasts and Interviews
I’ve only done one interview since my last newsletter. Horror author and fellow Splatterpunk Award nominee Steve Stred interviewed me for his series 3Qs with Steve Stred. First, you should check out his work by clicking HERE. His book Mastodon is nominated for Best Novel in the upcoming Splatterpunk Awards.
You can read our interview by clicking HERE.
First Chapter Freakshow Episodes
I only recorded two episode of First Chapter Freakshow since my last newsletter. Episode 60 is the one I posted above where I read my own book, Kin of the Fallen.
Episode 61: Dani Brown’s Stef and Tucker’s Dancin’ with Ice Zombies
I guess that’s about it for this issue. If you’re not already following me, make sure you’re hitting me up in all these places:
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